Begin Again Read online

  I grabbed my cell phone and went to dial Luke’s number when I realized I didn’t have it. Why didn’t I have it? The man had kissed me twice, and I still hadn’t been able to digest the fact that I was completely fine with it this time, but I didn’t have his number?

  The fire station. Someone had to be there. Thankfully, that number was already programmed in.

  My lip was almost numb by the time I hung up. Someone was always there at the station, but had to be outside the office. Grabbing my purse, I opened the door and was about to step into the hall when I saw Luke standing in front of my doorway. At the sight of my obvious distress, he frowned.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him tight. When his arms reciprocated the gesture, my eyes welled with tears.

  “Hey,” he whispered. “What’s the matter?”

  I wanted to answer, but couldn’t find the words to express how I felt. With careful steps, he moved us inside, arms still laced around each other, and shut the door.

  “Tell me what’s wrong, Maggie,” he asked again. It felt so nice being held. I didn’t want to let go…and that worried me. Realizing this, I unlocked my arms enough so he could see me. His hands went to my face.

  “Nothing. It’s stupid.”

  He shook his head. “Not to me. Tell me.”

  I looked into his eyes and found a trusting soul. “Every time I hear the sirens…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it—to voice the fear the resounding call of death made me feel. “Anyway, I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I was worried you had to go.”

  I forced myself to look at him. His brows were together, his eyes sad. But his face reflected a man who was strong. He leaned in and kissed my forehead. He spoke softly. “No, I didn’t have to go.”

  Feeling stupid, I wiped at my eyes. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry. I called the chief. He said it was a motorcycle accident and that they didn’t need me.” When he frowned, it almost gutted me. He was disappointed he wasn’t asked to go along. I remembered enough about Josh’s time being a fireman to know it wasn’t customary for off-duty firemen to assist on a job. Still, I was glad he was there and safe.

  I stepped back and away from him. “So what are you doing here?”

  “Well, since I was already in town, I thought I’d finally fix that lock of yours.”

  “Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”

  He laughed. “I’ll be right back. Need a couple of tools.”

  When he closed the door behind him, I brought my hands to my face and let out a breath. What was going on with me? It was because of those kisses. Had to be. I was just confused, that’s all.

  Except I’m not.

  ***

  Luke

  I didn’t come to fix her lock. I came to see her, and the lock was just an excuse. When the chief said I wasn’t needed, it angered me. Not at him, but because I didn’t know what to do with myself. Would it be like this every year at the approaching anniversary of Josh’s death? If so, I’d work myself to the ground.

  If I hadn’t gotten drunk that night…

  My apartment was nearly cleared of all my things, apart from a few articles of clothing, some food, and minor odds and ends. Grabbing the tools, I went back to Maggie’s. She hadn’t brought up the kiss—either time—and I couldn’t tell if that made me disappointed or glad. I didn’t know what I was thinking. She made me feel alive again. Since I’d been spending time with her, it was as if my head was finally above water.

  Her kitchen was off to the right, and I found her making coffee. With her back turned to me, I took time to admire her brown summer dress and the loose braid she’d done for her hair.

  She turned and caught me staring, and she smiled before reaching for a jar of sugar. “Coffee?”

  It wasn’t my common practice to make a woman’s place in the kitchen, and I’d never do that, but Maggie looked great in one. “Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks.”

  I sat my tools down on the counter, and she came around and handed me a green cup with a black and white cat on it. I scrunched my face. “You better hope no one comes over that I know.”

  Maggie laughed. “Hey, that happens to be my favorite cup.”

  “Alright, I can suffer through the humiliation,” I teased and winked at her. Her cheeks were beautifully flushed. Because of me? Whatever reason, the look suited her.

  “You know, little Amy would be upset if she found out I let someone else drink out of our special cup.”

  I took a sip of the hot, flavorful coffee. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

  She bit her lip trying to hold back a smile, but failed miserably. If I didn’t focus on fixing her lock, I’d find myself getting into all sorts of trouble.

  “Well, I better…get started.”

  “Yeah.” She waved a hand idly in the air. “Here, I’ll take that.”

  I gave her the cup and she sat it on the counter. I removed the door handle and found the keyhole to be unaligned as if someone had tried to bust it off. This gave me pause. Had someone tried to get in there?

  “While you do that, I’m just going to call my mother really quick to check in.”

  “Right. How’s Heather doing? She still living in Tennessee?”

  “You remember.”

  I placed the handle on the floor and faced her. “Of course I remember. Her and my mom were practically best friends.”

  “True. Yeah, her and Dale are still going strong. Plus, his business is booming, from what I hear.”

  “You haven’t been there in a while.” It wasn’t a question.

  “No, and I want to. Just”—she shrugged—“a lot going on. I’ve been pretty busy.”

  “You think you’ll go soon?”

  “Not soon enough. I’d ask them to come here, but funds are tight despite his salary. It took a lot to get the business up and running.”

  “I can certainly understand that.”

  She twisted the ring on her forefinger round and round and I felt bad for asking about her mom. I didn’t know much, but I knew from what Josh had told me that Maggie’s real father had passed years ago. Eventually Heather married Dale and left for Tennessee. Josh told me Maggie was completely torn over it.

  Wanting to cheer her up, I said, “You ready to humiliate me some more?”

  “What?”

  “I’ve got a debt I owe,” I reminded her.

  “You’re really going to do this?” Her look was unsure.

  “Honey, I made a bet, and you followed through on your end.”

  “I did, didn’t I?”

  “You sure did.” I nodded to the handle on the ground. “Hey, real quick, you wouldn’t happen to know if anyone tried to break in here when you were gone, do you?” I’d rather it be that and not someone trying to get to her.

  She frowned, but soon her eyes widened in acknowledgement. “That was the landlord. He said he lost my key one day when doing the renovations and had to improvise. Said he fixed it, though.”

  “I don’t know about fixing it, but he bent the inside.”

  She looked in the direction of the kitchen before walking over. “I think, now that you’ve brought that up, there’s a new handle under the sink he told me about when I first moved back in. He was supposed to fix it…here it is.” She cut the packaging open with scissors and brought me the handle.

  “Perfect. I’ll put this one on.”

  “Well, I guess if you’re still going through with this ballet lesson, I’d better change into something more appropriate. Be right back.”

  I watched her scurry off through the big living space and behind the brick wall. Must be her bedroom. That must have been the renovations she was referring to, because none of the apartments had separate bedrooms. The bed was in the middle of the whole room. But I was sure people would do anything for her. I would. Even dancing.

  My mind traveled into the next room where she was changing. I pictured her in there, what she
was doing, and a small screw fell from my hand. “Jesus. Okay, Luke, focus.”

  Lock secure, I tossed the scraps in the garbage can.

  “How’s it looking?” she asked as she strolled across the room in a black leotard and a tiny black skirt. My eyes focused on the pink ballet shoes that wrapped up her ankles to her long, shapely legs. When I eventually pulled my gaze to her face, she was removing her hair band and shaking out the braid.

  “Let’s try it out.” I almost rushed to the door. This was a bad idea. I handed her the key and told her to step outside the apartment while I closed the door. I heard the lock unlatch, and she was in, in a matter of seconds.

  “Oh, you have no idea how happy this makes me. I won’t have to worry about getting locked out of my apartment.”

  “Glad I could help.”

  Maggie walked to the large window that overlooked the park and closed the blinds. Maybe it was to save my dignity, or to keep the town from talking, but I didn’t mind. The room slowly darkened as she pulled on the string. I locked eyes on her. Each time she caught me watching her, she’d look away, bashful. But she had nothing to be bashful about.

  Several lamps were lit, creating a warm atmosphere. She turned on her stereo and the rhythm of a slow R&B song sounded through the speakers.

  “You ready to pay up?” she asked, coming to stand before me.

  “As ready as I’ll ever be. Who is this?”

  “The singer? Anthony Hamilton.”

  “It’s a nice song.”

  “I think so, too.” She smiled and nodded toward a long barre that sat in front of the window. I followed her. “So what would you like to learn?”

  I sucked in through my teeth. “You’re the teacher. Lead the way, Ms. Warner.”

  She giggled and I wanted to bottle that laugh for rainy days. “Well, we can start with the basics, seeing how you’ve never done this before.” Her brow raised and she sent me a questioning look.

  I raised my hands, palms up. “No, I’ve never done this before. I swear.”

  “Okay, so, being that you aren’t in the appropriate attire, your range will be limited. So put your arms out like this.” She demonstrated what she’d like me to do. “And then take your leg out like this.” I watched her easily extend her leg before her and then move it to the side, her poise impeccable. There was no way I’d be able to do that.

  I tried and failed. Before I could even get my leg high enough, I lost my balance and fell. Maggie laughed so hard she could barely breathe. Rising off the floor, I grabbed my hat and placed it back on my head.

  “Never said I’d be good at this,” I told her.

  “No, I know. It’s just…”

  “What?” I humored her.

  Her hand went to her mouth as she tried yet again to contain her laughter. “I still can’t believe you offered to do this, and that we actually are.”

  I scoffed. “You’re doing this, not me. I’m a hard labor kind of guy. Moving my body the way you do is not in my genetic code.”

  “There are plenty of guys who do ballet.”

  “Well then, they have more of a slender body than me.”

  We kept up what she called basic ballet—basic for an expert. I, however, did more observing than doing. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t think she’d like to admit to this, but every so often I’d see her get lost in the motions. It was obvious to me that she loved to dance.

  “When did you stop dancing?” I asked.

  She brought her leg off the barre. “Sometime last year.” When her eyes clouded, I knew it was because of Josh’s death.

  “You miss it? The dancing, instead of teaching.”

  She looked around the studio and shrugged. “I find more joy these days in teaching the art to others. I guess I don’t really think about it too much. I’m usually too busy, and after I’m done teaching a group of little girls, I’m exhausted.”

  The sound of a tiny bell jingled, and I looked over by her bedroom door where a gray cat pranced toward Maggie. She bent and scooped it up, nuzzling its face.

  “Hey, buddy,” she cooed.

  “This guy have a name?” I reached out and patted his head.

  “Mr. Pickles.”

  “Mr. Pickles?”

  “Yes. That’s why at the diner when you said you didn’t want any pickles, I laughed.”

  I remembered that. At least now I had a reason why my hate of pickles entertained her so much. “I see.”

  She kissed the cat on the head and sat him down.

  “So,” I continued, “you’re not busy now.” She frowned, not understanding. “Dance.”

  “What? No—”

  “Come on. Show me how it’s done.”

  The current upbeat song switched to a soft melody from a Spanish artist. I walked over and tuned the dial up louder, then went back to her.

  She brought her hands to cover her face before she squared her shoulders, extended her leg, and pointed her foot. For a while, it was evident she was too aware of my presence. She’d catch my eye and then would mess up. Nothing noticeable to me, but she’d apologize for her misstep. Before long, right about the middle of the song, she’d forgotten I was there as she commanded the floor. She was all elegance and grace. Her body and the passion she displayed drew me in, and before I realized it, I was right behind her. So close I could smell her scent. She sucked in a breath but kept moving, despite our bodies nearly touching. At the finish of the song, her back still to me, I brought her hair off her shoulder. She looked up at me, her eyes alight from the dance, her rediscovering a lost love. She was breathtaking.

  I touched her cheek and leaned in, giving her an opportunity to stop what I was about to do. She remained still and so I went the rest of the way.

  Her lips were warm and inviting. I could lose myself into her honesty, because what she didn’t say with words she said clearly in actions.

  I groaned and broke the kiss. “I have to stop or I’ll never quit,” I whispered against her mouth. She smiled and brought her hand to her lips. “Was that okay?”

  She nodded, and all the worry I held released.

  I brought my forehead to rest upon hers. “Come with me tomorrow.”

  “Where?”

  “My uncle’s. He’s having a reunion.”

  She blinked, and her brows formed a deep V. “I don’t know…”

  I caressed her cheek. “It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

  I waited for her to answer. “Okay.”

  I told her it didn’t have to mean anything, but it meant everything to me. Including the inevitability of the real story about how her fiancé died.

  Chapter 14

  Maggie

  Luke’s uncle lived about twenty minutes out of town, way back in the woods. The ride was spent mostly in silence. I could tell Luke had something on his mind. Thinking it could be me was concerning.

  Yesterday turned out to be a day of revelations. One I would cherish forever. He’d reminded me of my love for dance, and I could never thank him enough. Or maybe I loved it so much because I’d shared it with him. Last night I realized, once Luke left, that I’d never danced in front of Josh…not like that. I’d always gone to the studio. That thought troubled me.

  I glanced over at Luke. He wore his favorite brown hat that was showing signs of its years, a white T-shirt cut off at the shoulders, and light faded blue jeans that fit him just right. His eyes were fixed on the road.

  He peeked out the corner of his eye, winked, and rested his hand over mine in the seat between us. I curled my fingers around his. When I looked back at him, he’d returned his focused stare on the road.

  “You can tell me what it is,” I said, hoping he’d know that he could tell me anything.

  He smiled and squeezed my hand. “I know. Everything’s fine.”

  “Are you nervous about seeing your family?”

  One of his shoulders popped up. “I guess it’s been a while for me, too.”

  Once again, I thought of Caroline
’s words. “Someone said you’d left about a year ago.”

  He gripped the steering wheel and looked out the driver’s side window. “I did.”

  Man of few words. “Just to get away?” I asked as we came to a rolling stop.

  “Something like that.” He put the truck in park and climbed out. I didn’t want to pry, but I also couldn’t stop worrying about him. When the chief asked me to check up on Luke, it told me that something was a matter with him.

  I hopped out of the truck and we walked side by side down a stone pathway that was lined with beautifully hedged boxwood shrubs. It led to an old but large brick colonial house that was hugged by strings of ivy. The front of the home overlooked a well-manicured yard with various flowers and lawn furniture. A fire pit was at the center.

  As we neared closer, loud laughter erupted.

  “Full house,” Luke said as we came to the door that was wide open. He was right. Off the bat, I counted at least ten people. My stomach twisted. This was Luke’s family, and it wasn’t until then that I realized how personal this was. “You okay?”

  “I’m fine.” How bad could it be?

  “Luke!” a woman screamed, and I recognized it to be Paula. Her auburn hair was slightly shorter than the last time I saw her, but she was still the same bubbly personality she’d always been.

  “Hey, Mom,” Luke said warmly as they embraced. I made sure to keep a good enough distance back so they could have their moment. It was obvious they didn’t see each other much.

  “Oh, my boy. I’m so happy you came.” She let go and her eyes found me. “Maggie?” Her gaze bounced from me to Luke. I could tell the wheels were turning in that head of hers. “Oh, what a surprise. I didn’t know you were coming. Come here and give me a hug.”

  I walked toward her and she hugged me so tight I lost my breath, and it was nice. This was what I missed in the city, this southern hospitality. “Hi, Paula. I hope it’s okay that Luke brought me.”

  “Hope it’s okay…listen to you. Luke, you should have said something,” she said under her breath.