Begin Again Read online

  I swallowed and faced the cowboy. “I’m sorry to bother you all. I told the one guy I’d wait outside, but he brought me here.” I bit my lip as the familiar stranger locked his assessing eyes on mine. Bold? Or just extremely attentive? “Anyway, the chief was expecting me. Well, I thought he was, but maybe I got the day wrong. I’ll just—” I turned to leave, but the cowboy firefighter stopped me.

  “No, you’re right.” I turned and faced him. My heart leapt again. Why did I have to find this guy attractive? “He had something he had to rush out and handle, but I know why you came.”

  My throat tightened at his admission. He knew?

  “Follow me,” he said as he walked past me out into the hall and down where I first came in. He smelled like fresh rain. Wait. Why did I care what he smelled like?

  We came to a door with a plaque that read ‘Chief Hickman.’ I remembered the chief. A kind guy. Dedicated to his job…like Josh.

  The man opened the door and gestured for me to enter. Once inside, I stood awkwardly off in a corner and waited as he rounded the large oak desk and bent to pull open a drawer. He still didn’t have a shirt on, and I wished he would have grabbed one. “I’ll be right back, Maggie. I just have to unlock the cabinet in the other room. One second.”

  He disappeared out of the office and I thought about his use of my name. Did I say my name? I didn’t think I did, but my emotions were all over the place. I dropped the thought.

  He came back carrying a brown box that had a white tag with my fiancé’s name scrawled across the front: Josh Jeffries.

  “Everything is in here,” he said as he set it on the desk. I wondered what his name was, but was too consumed with staring at what was left of Josh. It was surreal with how much that man had touched my life and those of others, him being a hero, that everything he achieved all fit snug into one little box. I reached a hand out and tentatively felt his uniform, charred from his last failed rescue. I briefly heard the clearing of a throat. “I’ll give you a minute.”

  “Thanks,” I croaked mindlessly as my shaking hands lifted the uniform and rubbed the fabric gently with my thumbs. Memories of us on his parents’ lake surfaced and I struggled to keep my tears at bay. Josh was a man that every woman wanted. He was kind and greatly cared for others—a weakness that got me from the start. He never thought of himself and would always put himself on the line for his job. A cry escaped my lips and I sniffled, tenderly putting his uniform aside. His hat wasn’t in there. We’d used it for the funeral, burying it with his body. His family, along with the fire department, made the ceremony beautiful and a representation of who Josh was. They honored him well.

  The box had other little things in it, such as a flashlight and a spare T-shirt that had California written on the front. I’d gotten it for him on our trip there, shortly before he passed. I brought the T-shirt up to smell it, wanting—hoping—it still smelled like him after all this time. His cologne was very faint, but I still felt as if he were holding me and saying everything was going to be alright. I draped it over my shoulder and continued searching through the box, smiling when I found the picture of us from that summer on the lake. He had insisted we take it. I didn’t want to because I’d always hated having my picture taken, but I did so anyway. I was laughing as he whispered into my ear, making me blush at what he’d said. Whenever I thought about it, my cheeks still reddened. Everything else was typical things you’d have in a locker, and so I neatly packed it all back up.

  “I’m done,” I told the guy as I poked my head out the office. He was patiently waiting with his head down, his back against a wall, and a distraught look on his face. My heart sunk. Sometimes it was hard to think about others suffering from Josh’s loss because my loss was so great. But these were men who’d gone through burning buildings alongside him. They lost a friend. “Thank you for giving me some time.”

  He nodded, but his tanned face stayed grim.

  “You’re probably wondering why I’m just now grabbing this.” Why was I trying to explain myself?

  “It’s none of my business,” he said in a soft voice but offered a polite smile. “We all grieve in our own way…or so I’m told.”

  “Were you and Josh close?”

  He cleared his throat and grabbed the back of his neck as if working out some kinks. “Yeah. You could say that.”

  Yep. I wasn’t the only one taking Josh’s death hard, and the thought somehow humbled me. “Well, I better get going and let you get back to…”

  “Yeah, let me grab this for you. I’ll take it to your car.” He strode past me and picked up the box.

  “That’s not necessary. I walked here. I just live across the park.”

  He stared down at me with those sad blue eyes. “I’d like to help.”

  “Um…” For a moment, I couldn’t speak. I shouldn’t have been having feelings of attraction already, especially with someone in the same field that killed my fiancé. I was just confused. That must have been it.

  “Please,” he said.

  Whether it was my emotions from seeing his obvious pain or from being back home where common courtesy was a trademark, I didn’t know, but I wanted to take him up on his offer. “Okay.”

  “Alright. Don’t you go anywhere.” He smiled.

  He went back to the doorway of the workout room and yelled to the others that he’d be back in a short while, and we walked in silence to my place. I noted that he’d put on a shirt and was grateful. Like me, I was sure he was familiar with how the town liked to gossip.

  “You live here?” he asked, surprised, once we got to the front door.

  “Yeah, I’ve only been back a week, but I’ve lived here before.” We made it up the stairs and down the long hall of apartments before we got to mine. I heard him mutter something but was unable to make it out as I focused on trying to unlock my door.

  “Need help?” he asked from behind me.

  “It’s this stupid lock. It keeps giving me fits.” I huffed out a breath and heard him set the box down behind me.

  He touched my shoulder with a gentle hand. “Here, let me help.”

  I moved aside and watched as he wiggled the key around and eventually used some of his body strength to nudge the door open.

  “Careful. Don’t hurt yourself,” I said. Don’t hurt yourself? I could have smacked myself in the face. The man ran into fires for a living.

  He peeked over his shoulder at me, and a smile teased the corners of his mouth. “I think I’ll be alright.”

  My cheeks flushed and I worried he could see. “I really need to contact the landlord and get this fixed,” I said as I moved past him and into my apartment. He leaned against the doorframe.

  “I could fix it for you,” he said.

  “Oh.” I waved a hand. “That’s not necessary. I’m sure he’ll want to do it himself.” No, he wouldn’t, I thought dryly. He’d already done so much and was busy with other people’s apartments.

  “It’s not a problem. I know the landlord…plus, I live here, too.”

  I stared at him. “You do?”

  He laughed. “Yeah, for a couple of weeks now.”

  “Weird,” I said, biting my lip. “I haven’t seen you.”

  His eyes flicked to my mouth briefly before he pulled his gaze back to meet my eyes. “I’m always flying out of here. Plus, I work long hours, so I’m never really home.”

  “Right,” I said, crossing my arms. I would never forget that. Josh would often leave at the drop of a hat. “Well, like I said, I’ve only been back a week, so…I never got your name, but you seemed to know mine.”

  He stared at me, hesitating as if he was unsure he should say. This might be a small town, but I couldn’t place him, though I knew he must have grown up here. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d seen him around.

  “Name’s Luke. And I knew your name because the chief said it when he told me you’d be stopping by.”

  I blinked, trying to process his answer. It was a valid response and
I had no reason to suspect anything else. “Oh, that’s right. You did tell me that earlier, didn’t you?” I looked at the floor, embarrassed.

  “It’s alright. I’ll let you get back to your day. And I’m sorry about your loss.”

  “Thanks, Luke. Same here.”

  “See you around?”

  “Yeah, see you.”

  He nodded and left. I picked up the box and put it on the bed before going to the window and leaning against it. Luke was jogging across the park to the firehouse, his head down.

  He lives in my building, I reminded myself. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Not because I had a bad feeling about him, but because I’d have to see him from time to time. Why that bothered me, I wasn’t sure.

  Either way, I needed to somehow find the strength to let go and move on from Josh. But how?

  Chapter 3

  Luke

  The four men were rowdy after saving yet another life. His name was Binky and he was a calico. It wasn’t anything exciting, but it made for a somewhat eventful day, which they loved. I, however, tended to grow restless these days. I needed my mind wrapped around something intense so there was no option of thinking about things I didn’t want to.

  “Marybeth’s?” Neale suggested as we drove down the dirt lane from Mrs. Wilson’s. Her cat had been stuck in the magnolia tree in her backyard twice since I’d been back. It wasn’t anything unusual. This had happened for years, and it seemed that nothing changed in Magnolia Springs since I’d come back. Had it not been for my mom, I’d be long gone, back in Texas where I’d made a life for myself away from this one.

  “Not many options available anyway,” I said as we stopped at a light.

  “Dude, it has the best food in town. Or have you forgotten?”

  I shot him a look. “I think my mind still works.” The light turned green and we drove about a quarter of a mile before turning in to Marybeth’s.

  I parked the fire apparatus under a stretch of trees along the side of the building, and we hopped out. The bell Marybeth kept on the door handle chimed as we made our way in and found a table. We’d seen one near the window and headed straight for it, wanting to be able to see outside in case something happened that would need our attention.

  “Coffee?” a waitress asked, popping her gum and winking at us. Liz. She hadn’t changed all that much in a year’s time, except she was pregnant, and I wondered if standing on her feet for the long hours I knew she must work was a good thing.

  “Yes, please,” I told her, and the other guys lifted their mugs.

  “Nice to see you finally make your way over here. It’s been a long time, though I’ve seen you around here and there and at the funeral,” she said.

  It was still hard to process. “Yes, I’ve been busy since I’ve been back.”

  “Well, glad you’re back home. Someone will be with you shortly to take your orders. I’ve got to leave for the day. Family gathering.” Liz smiled and disappeared into the back.

  I leaned my elbows on the table and rubbed my face.

  “I swear to God if Mrs. Wilson calls again for her stupid cat, I’m going to cut that tree down myself,” Greg said. The other men agreed.

  “That’s just how it goes in this field. You’ll see soon enough,” Neale responded. Greg was a new volunteer, and though he seemed to have the drive, it was obvious he was looking for city action. The small-town life wasn’t for him.

  “Does anything exciting happen in this town?” Greg asked. “Big fires?”

  I took a sip of my coffee, not wanting any part of the conversation.

  Neale laughed. “Man, you’re in the wrong town.”

  “I know sometimes you have big fires. What town doesn’t?” The table quieted and I sensed everyone’s eyes on me as I took another sip of my coffee. “What?” I looked up and right at Greg as he continued on, completely oblivious. “I know you had a pretty bad fire about a year ago. Heard it was terrible.”

  “Greg…” Neale warned.

  Greg frowned, not understanding. The fact he hadn’t done enough research into what he was talking about pissed me off. He was in this for the thrill. There wasn’t anything wrong with that in general. After all, you had to have some love for fire to put yourself in one, but it was the desire to save lives that should be a fireman’s main drive.

  “There was a big fire,” I said to Greg. “We lost one of our own in it.”

  Greg’s brows raised. “Ah shit. I’m sorry,” he said as I saw someone out of the corner of my eye approach our table.

  “Ready to order?” My eyes snapped to the waitress. Maggie? She was glancing around the table at everyone but me. She appeared nervous as she bit her lip. Why? She’d done it earlier, and all my blood shot to between my legs.

  Neale was the first to give his order, and she skillfully took the others until I was the last one. Her eyes wouldn’t meet mine.

  “And you?” Her pencil was tipped up, ready to scribble my order. She still could barely look at me. Did she know?

  I watched her for a little while before I answered. “Cheeseburger, no pickles. Fries and a root beer, please.” When she laughed, it came as a surprise, and I waited for her to say what she found so funny. She shook her head, biting on that dam lip of hers again, and shyly looked up.

  “Sorry,” she said, waving a hand. “It’s nothing.”

  Don’t ask, Luke. Just let it go. Don’t get involved by taking an interest, I told myself. It’s too bad I never listened. “Doesn’t sound like nothing.” I smiled, ignoring the childish snickering from the men.

  She was beautiful. She made me think of spring. Her hair was long, light blond, almost white, and wavy. Her eyes were an ice blue. Her dimples made her appear almost childlike...innocent.

  “More coffee, darlin’,” a customer yelled out. I twisted in my seat to see who it was.

  Old man Larry.

  “I’d better get that,” Maggie said, smiling before she left to fill his cup. I knew Larry. He was old, but loved the ladies. Maggie was no exception.

  “Shoot, man. I think you’ve got yourself some competition,” Neale said, slapping me on the shoulder. The guys laughed.

  I picked up my mug and took a sip. “Nah, Larry’s got it in the bag,” I joked.

  “That your girl?” Greg asked.

  I sat my coffee down and looked at him. “I don’t have a girl.”

  Greg raised a brow. “Mind if I have a go at her, then?”

  I didn’t answer. It wasn’t for me to say. Still, didn’t mean I liked it.

  “Well, I’m goin’ to hit the head. Back in a jiff.”

  Greg got up from the table, and Neale shot me an apologetic look. Usually it was Neale who razzed me. Sometimes he could be a prick, but he was a loyal friend.

  As soon as Neale turned around to talk with Brent, I glanced at Maggie. She was still at Larry’s table. I muttered a curse under my breath, turned back around, and stared into my coffee cup. It wasn’t supposed to bother me that other men, no matter what age, flirted with her. I had no claims. I didn’t even know her. Not really. But it was a small town, and if she wasn’t seeing anyone at the moment, she soon would be.

  When the chief told me Maggie would be stopping by to get Josh’s things from the firehouse, my heart nearly stopped. I wasn’t sure why, because I was expecting it—well, I was expecting his things to be sent to her, not her moving back. I still wasn’t sure if I was thrilled or hating it.

  “Doing anything later, man?” Brent asked as Greg returned.

  I leaned my elbows on the table and rubbed at my eyes before taking off my hat and readjusting it. “Same old.”

  “Need any help?” Neale asked. “I’m free. You know I said I’d help out since your dad passed. You can’t do all that ranch work yourself, plus work our hours at the station.”

  No, I needed all the hours I could get. “Yeah, I know. I think I’m good for now, buddy, thanks.”

  “Sure thing, pal,” he said.

  “Chri
st, where’s that waitress?” Greg said, glancing around. “It’s not that busy in here. Shit.”

  This Greg guy wasn’t going to last much longer if he didn’t watch his mouth. His comment earlier about Maggie still grated on me.

  “Sorry about that,” Maggie said as she brought the large tray with our orders and set it down halfway on the edge of the table.

  “You get lost back there?” Greg glanced at all us guys, trying to rouse a reaction. None of us laughed.

  Maggie blinked at him and her smile fell. “Oh, no…sorry, I just…it’s been a long day, and—”

  I reached over and placed my hand over her wrist. “It’s fine,” I told her. She nodded, but her smile didn’t reach her eyes. My eyes flitted to Greg. “Right, Greg?”

  Greg laughed, nervous. He wasn’t sure why we weren’t in on his little show. “Just teasin’.”

  “Thank you,” I told her. I’d have to say something to her later, and Greg could bet his last paycheck that I’d be talkin’ to him.

  Maggie grabbed her tray and left to refill drinks.

  “Talk to her or anyone else like that again, and you and me are going to have some words.”

  Mouth full of food, Greg mumbled, “I was just messin’ with her.”

  “Well, enough. We’re firefighters, not damn jocks.”

  “Alright. Alright. I’m sorry. Jesus.”

  I sent Neale a look and he did the same. The chief must have been feeling off the day he hired this yank.

  The rest of lunch was eaten quick and in silence. Maggie came around once to refill our drinks. She didn’t hold the smile she had earlier, but to her credit, she tried. We all respectfully declined dessert, though remembering the pie Neale grabbed for me from here the other day made me regret my decision.

  “I’ll meet you guys back in the truck,” I told them as we went to the door.

  “You got it,” Neale said.

  The place was starting to fill up, and I knew she’d be busy, but I couldn’t leave without a real apology.

  “Excuse me, Marybeth?”

  Marybeth turned around from the counter, placing a hand on her hip. “How ya doin’, baby? What can I do for you? Was the food alright?”