Begin Again Read online

  What bothered me was knowing that I could like this guy. But I didn’t think I could go through another heartbreak, and by the same fate.

  “No way, is that you, Maggie?” At the sound of her high-pitched squeal, I turned and gave a tight smile to Caroline.

  “It’s me.”

  Caroline was wearing a big floppy hat, huge sunglasses, and a multicolored wrap to keep her white skin from burning. I suddenly felt underdressed and thought about putting my cover-up back on, but the breeze felt too nice.

  She looked me up and down. “Just as lovely as ever. I bet the guys are lovin’ you,” she said lowering her voice along with her sunglasses to peek at me over the rims. I knew coming here was a bad idea. Everyone expected me to move on like nothing had happened…and I simply wasn’t ready. “Luke seems to.”

  “No, don’t be silly. He only invited me to get me out and around everyone again. He’s being nice.”

  “If you say so…though he hasn’t been back that much longer either.” She cocked her head to the side in thought. “Come to think of it, I think he left right around the time you did. Shortly before, actually.”

  For once, Caroline had something to say that I was curious about. Luke said he’d recently moved into my apartment building. I’d just assumed it was to be closer to the fire station. “Oh yeah?”

  “Yeah. Everyone was confused. He just…well, like you, up and left. Except he went to Texas from what I hear.” That was odd. Maybe he had another job opportunity. “Poor thing.” When she looked at him, I did the same. “If it weren’t for his daddy dying, I don’t think he would’ve come back.”

  “Maybe he wanted to try the city,” I said.

  “Luke? In the city? He’s always been a country boy. No, it’s something else. The man never stops working.”

  She was right about that. But what she’d told me made me wonder if something happened to make Luke leave in the first place. Maybe a woman?

  I was about to excuse myself when I felt a soft, warm touch on the back of my arm. “I made a plate for you,” Luke said. “Hey, Caroline.”

  Caroline’s eyes went wide and her jaw dropped before Luke steered me around.

  “Thank you,” I said.

  “I figured she’d be up to something. She’s not called Crazy Caroline for nothing.”

  “That’s what everyone calls her?” I shot my gaze to his and saw him trying to hold back a smile. “That wasn’t very nice, you know?”

  He winked. “I know. Here, I didn’t know what you’d like so I grabbed you everything.” And grab me everything he had. A cheeseburger, hot dog, potato salad, baked beans with bacon…there was no way I would be able to eat even half of it. “There’s a seat over there by me.” He pointed to the back bench where several of the guys in his firefighting team were. “Or you can sit wherever.”

  His face turned serious and I wondered if he was nervous. The thought that it could be because of me made me blush. “That’s fine. Thank you. You really didn’t have to make me a plate.”

  He shot me a sideways glance. “My mom would kill me if I didn’t treat a lady this way.”

  I laughed as we both walked toward the bench. “How is your mom?”

  Luke waited for me to climb in before he did. “She’s okay. I wanted her to come, but she has bad knees. Said they were acting up, so…” He shrugged, acting like it didn’t bother him, but I could tell it did. It hit me even more that he was probably always alone after he left the fire station. Aside from doing this type of thing on occasion, he seemed to stick to himself.

  “Do you get to see her much?” I took a bite of my hot dog and moaned at how good it tasted. I was starving. I peeked up and found Luke staring at me. Embarrassed, I brought a hand to cover my mouth and mumbled, “Sorry.”

  He shook his head. “Don’t be. Glad you like it. Uh, anyway, no…unfortunately, I don’t get to see her as much as I’d like. Too busy.”

  Caroline’s words came to mind.

  “Why did she move from the ranch? The home is beautiful.”

  “I didn’t want her in that place. It needs too many updates. Plus, she didn’t like the reminder of my father.”

  When he took a bite of his burger, I placed my hand on his forearm and rhythmically stroked my thumb in hopes of providing comfort. He looked down at where my hand lay, and I immediately removed it.

  “She gave it all to me,” he continued as if nothing had happened, “and I promised to fix it up and take care of everything.”

  “How? You’re so busy now.”

  He shrugged. “Any spare time I get.”

  “You’re a hard worker, aren’t you, Luke?” It wasn’t really a question. Luke stared into my eyes.

  “I need it.” His words held all sorts of meaning, but what, I wasn’t sure.

  A few of the guys yelled Luke’s name, wanting him to confirm some story about how Ms. Thompson always tapped them on their butts when she saw them. It made me laugh knowing she’d do something like that. Luke mentioned she’d done it several times to him.

  His leg would occasionally touch mine, making me stiffen. Each time, I’d look up at him, and nothing would register on his face that he was even aware. So, if it wasn’t a concern to him, it wasn’t a concern to me. By the end of our meal, we’d completely relaxed our knees next to each other.

  “Bro, you, me, and the guys. Flag football. What do you say?” Neale tossed the ball back and forth between both hands.

  Luke looked at me as if asking for my permission. I lifted a hand and laughed. “Go right ahead. I’ll be fine.”

  “You sure?” Luke asked.

  “I’m sure.”

  “Hey, if you want to join in a game afterward, we’d love to have ya,” Neale said. “But us boys, I must warn you, can get a little rough.”

  Me playing flag football with a bunch of big men? I wouldn’t stand a chance. “Maybe some other time.”

  “Suit yourself. Come on, guys.” As Neale took off, the rest of the crew behind him, Luke turned to me.

  “It won’t take long, I promise.”

  “Hey, I’ll be fine. I brought a book, so I’ll lie out. Get a tan.”

  He smiled. “Okay. Be back soon. Have some fun. Wear sunscreen.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  I watched him run toward the guys, a grin spreading on my face. He was so excited to play and it made me happy knowing he was doing something that didn’t involve work. Why it made me happy gave me pause.

  As the sun beat down on my back, pleasantly warming my bones, I found myself peeking over the top of my book at Luke. He was an expert at retrieving the ball and weaving himself through the other guys. I’d laugh at every touchdown when he’d celebrate his victory by hollering and bumping chests.

  People didn’t act this carefree in the city. And, boy, I’d missed it.

  It was starting to get dark out. Luke raised a finger to me, indicating he had one more game to play. The beat of a Luke Bryan song played through the radio, and I got up, grabbed a bottled water from the cooler, and walked along the lake. In the city, I didn’t get to do any of this. My life consisted of work, sleeping, and trying to forget. The anniversary of Josh’s death was fast approaching, and I wasn’t sure how I would handle it.

  “Hey,” Luke said, coming up from behind me. Even with the sun down, I could tell he’d got a nice tan.

  “Hey. That was some pretty impressive wins you had there.”

  He raised a brow. “So you were watching?”

  I playfully rolled my eyes and he laughed.

  “Sorry we took so long.” He stepped in alongside me.

  “You looked like you could have used the fun. And I didn’t mind. I was reading a good book.”

  Luke put his hands in the pockets of his shorts. “Oh yeah? What was it about?”

  The wind blew a soft breeze, cooling my heated skin. I grabbed my hair, bringing it around to one side of my neck, and crossed my arms. “Hope. And a woman’s journey to find true happiness.” />
  When Luke didn’t say anything, I glanced over at him. His gaze was out to the dwindling crowd. I watched with him as families started to pack their things and round up their children.

  “Thank you for inviting me. I had a really great time.”

  “Me, too. I’m glad you came.”

  A yawn escaped me, and I held my hand to my mouth. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Are you tired? I can take you home. Marybeth isn’t here anyway.”

  Marybeth. I’d forgotten about her. “Oh, jeez,” I said, dropping my hands to my sides. “I guess you’re right.”

  “I just have to help pack up, and then we can take off. Alright?”

  Within fifteen minutes Luke had everything taken down and packed. I’d offered to help, but he told me to wait in his truck, where I sat listening to the soft melodies playing in the background.

  ***

  Luke

  I couldn’t pack up fast enough. Maggie was waiting, and I could tell she was tired and probably wanted to get home.

  “That should do it, man,” I told Neale and thanked a couple of the other guys as I headed to my truck. I put some leftovers and the cooler in the back and came to the front. I was about to open my door when I saw her fast asleep, her legs curled beneath her.

  She looked good in my truck. At home.

  With careful movements, I got in and started the engine. Maggie didn’t budge. I tried to search my memory about whether she’d put any sunscreen on. I didn’t think she had, and if not, she was going to be sore in the morning.

  I pressed lightly on the gas, driving in the yard around the pavilion to get back on the road. There was a lot going through my mind, like how good and natural it felt having her by my side, and how wrong it was to feel the way I did. I didn’t deserve her. Heck, I didn’t even deserve to be alive.

  She softly moaned, her body leaning toward me until she was resting against my shoulder. For a moment, I was stunned. But when I felt her shiver, I didn’t even think twice as I brought my arm around her. She snuggled into me and my chest tightened. It was a good thing she threw that cover-up back on over her bikini. Having to touch her soft skin while she was holding onto me this close would have been torture.

  But I couldn’t have her…no matter what Josh made me promise.

  I flipped on my brights as we traveled down the dirt lane to my ranch. I didn’t have the heart to wake her, which was what I would’ve had to have done if I took her back to her place. My doors were always left unlocked.

  Driving around the side of the house, under the big magnolia tree, I parked and killed the engine. I was careful as I opened my door and got out. I slid her over the leather seats and into my arms. She mumbled, making me still. When I was sure she was still fast asleep, I took her inside. I’d worry about closing my car door later when I went to gather my things.

  With her safely in my arms, I held her tight against my chest as I carried her up the stairs. With every step, the old boards creaked. Damn this old house.

  Down the hall past the bathroom was a guest bedroom. I used my foot to nudge open the door and walked her to the bed. I didn’t want to put her down. She felt good in my arms. I couldn’t help myself. I leaned forward and kissed her forehead, inhaling her perfume—it reminded me of cherries and honeysuckle, sweet like her.

  The corners of her mouth lifted into a smile. “Josh…”

  I took a sobering breath at the sound of her voice and my body lost its heat. I felt ice cold. Laying her down on top of the quilt, I went to the closet, grabbed another quilt off the shelf, and draped it over her.

  “Good night, Magnolia,” I whispered.

  After unpacking my truck and putting all the food away, I took a cold shower to try and clear my head, but it did little to tame my unease. I hated having to keep secrets, and one this big was eating me alive. I had to tell her, but how? There was never a good time to shatter someone’s heart…especially when it was someone you’d loved your whole life.

  Wrapping the towel around my waist, I crossed the hall, making sure her door was still shut, and went to my room. I sat down, staring at the wooden piece of furniture like it would bite me. If there was a perfect time to lose myself in alcohol, it’d be now. But for the past several months I’d made one my limit, and I’d already had one at the lake.

  I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees, and ran my hands through my damp hair. Not wanting to put it off any longer, I quickly opened the drawer and retrieved the letter. I removed it from the envelope and scanned the words, already knowing what it said.

  “Damn it, Josh. You just had to make this so much harder, didn’t you?” Frustrated, I tossed the note back in the drawer and slammed it shut. Reaching over, I turned off my lamp, and fell into a fitful sleep.

  Chapter 10

  Maggie

  My eyes fluttered open and tried to adjust to the dark. I knew it was still early and that the sun wasn’t even close to rising for the morning. So why did I feel rested?

  I took note of the bed. It was a lot more comfortable than my futon. Is that a cow mooing in the background? I jolted upright and looked around, clutching the covers against my chest. With what little light was available to me, it was clear this wasn’t my studio. Instead of brick, there was floral wallpaper. My mind searched for the last thing I could remember. I was waiting in Luke’s truck, and…I must have fallen asleep. This was the farmhouse. He didn’t take me home. Why?

  I needed to get him. I had a class to teach today. Not my usual practice to teach on a Sunday, but with the talent show being at the festival, the girls needed to put in extra recitals.

  Tossing the covers to the side, my bare feet touched the wooden floor. I wrapped my arms tightly around my waist, feeling slightly chilled. Oh God, I should have changed out of this bathing suit. And to think Luke had to carry me like this. My wrap hardly left anything to the imagination.

  I hadn’t any clue as to the exact time, and felt bad for waking him up. He probably didn’t get much sleep. My first step out into the hallway made a loud creaking noise and I scrunched my face. There was a door that was wide open and one that was cracked—I went for that one.

  “Luke,” I whispered and listened for any movement. “Luke?”

  I bit my lip, deciding what the appropriate thing to do was. It wasn’t in my nature to just go waltzing in a man’s room early in the morning. He could be…indecent. I brought my hands to my face. You can do this, I told myself before pushing his door open.

  “Morning.” The voice came from behind me and I jumped, yelling out. When I spun around, I tripped over my feet and stumbled back onto the floor, landing hard on my backside. “Maggie!” Luke reached for me, and I took his hand as he brought me to my feet. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “I’m okay. I thought this was your room,” I said awkwardly.

  He furrowed his brows. “It is. You need something?”

  Did I need something? “I, um…”

  “You’re wondering why you’re here and not at your place.”

  I nodded.

  “I didn’t want to wake you. So I brought you here. Come on, let’s get some ice for that.”

  Short and to the point. As we inched closer to the bottom of the stairs and rounded the corner, I could smell something cooking. Was he making breakfast?

  “What time do you have to be back?” he asked as he reached into the freezer and took out an ice pack. He handed it to me and I took it, feeling both embarrassed and unsure.

  “Um…eight.”

  He gestured for me to take the stool at the breakfast bar. It looked like an addition compared to the rest of the furniture.

  “Well, it’s a quarter till seven. When you’re done eating, I’ll take you straight back.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome,” he said, placing a plate of bacon and eggs on the counter in front of me. It smelled amazing.

  “I can get Marybeth to come and get me if you can’t,
though.”

  “You think that’s a good idea?”

  I made a face. “Yeah, never mind.”

  When he sat down at the bar next to me, I stiffened. “Besides, I have to get to the firehouse. I’m on duty today,” he said, and took a hearty bite of his eggs.

  “Okay.”

  “That Amy. I can tell she likes you a lot.”

  I smiled and wiped my mouth with the paper towel he’d set in front of me. “Do you like kids?”

  “I wouldn’t mind having a few running around here someday.”

  I couldn’t piece together if he meant his kids or just having kids over on the ranch, so I moved on. “Yes, Amy and I are close. She means a lot to me.”

  “I can tell. It’s good she has you.”

  I shrugged. “I just want to be there for all my girls.”

  “They’re fortunate to have you,” he said. We stared at each other, his gaze eventually resting on my mouth. Did he want to kiss me? Nervous, I took a drink of my orange juice.

  We finished our breakfast. He stood and grabbed his plate and offered to take mine. When I handed it to him, he said, “Well, I should probably get you home.”

  “Thank you for breakfast. That was really sweet of you.” I tried to locate my Converses I’d worn to the lake, but didn’t see them anywhere.

  “My pleasure. If you’re looking for your shoes, they are over there.” He pointed to the back door, and I went over and put them on.

  “At least let me help with the dishes before we leave.”

  “What’s the point in making a woman breakfast if the man’s just going to turn around and make her do the dishes? Let’s go.”

  I laughed and followed him outside to the truck. He opened the door and took my hand to help me in. We made it back with ten minutes to spare. I thanked him for the ride and making me breakfast before going inside, not liking what I felt. I missed him already.

  ***

  Luke

  As soon as I walked into the firehouse I was ticked. The trucks were dirty and nothing was in its place.

  “Whose turn was it to clean up in here?” I yelled to the group of guys who were throwing a ball back and forth. Greg caught it and slammed into the side of the truck. My blood temperature rose.